Well, patience as they say, is golden. no, actually that's silence. so it stands that silence not patience pays off. which has me totally confused. i'll just cut to the chase, if you haven't heard...i sort of banged up my car enough to not have it. ever again. indeed it was a sad fairwell...but to be honest, everything seems sad in flagstaff. luckily, there was so little to do the four days i was stuck in my econo lodge hell, i had time to take a few pictures...hollye can attest to the potancy of seeing the debacle up close and personal, the smell of fear, staining the driver seat...the twisted metal...and the sticky iced tea stain consuming the dash. however, they're interesting to see, if not outright entertaining...we can all look and laugh and be glad that-hey, at least that's not me! (well, by 'we' i mean everyone but me) happy browsing. and notice how my own spite towards irony prevented me from taking a picture of the day-old 1200$ air conditioning unit. ha. enjoy the scrapyard you money sucking cool air spitting bastard!!!

the pictures are in. mere moments in time till they're posted...keep watching...

In a colossal shift of power, Jen recently was tranferred to, and promoted by, BMW.  Luxury automobiles will never be the same.  This has affected our commute, as I now walk 25 blocks from the car to my job.  On my leisurely strolls, which I enjoy immensely, I get to take in the city of Portland as God intended - pedestrianically.  (I spend much of my morning walk inventing words).  I'm finding out that the city is a place where comedy and tragedy converge.  A business man who has abandoned his morals and his loved ones in the pursuit of money can brush shoulders with a homeless man who has abandoned his morals and loved ones and seeks money constantly.  They are not different, they are both tragic, but in the irony of their similarity is comedy.  The city is full of sympathetic figures which, as you zoom out, appear to be very humorous.  It is a place with a broad, broad spectrum of people - none of whom are at the center of the spectrum.  Most of us aren't even near the center.  It's the bell curve turned upside-down.  I think it's great to walk around in it.  Sooner or later, if I keep walking around, someone is bound to stab me.  I'll be late to work, lose my job, and become homeless.  Then, snot-nosed college grads will walk by me on their way to work and think that my life is funny because of how closely I resemble wealthy businessmen even though I am penniless.  And the circle of life rolls on (thanks Neal for the lesson in circular thinking).  Happy Friday, everyone!

google (make sure to click the buttons in the top right corner)
amazon (this is where we are going to be living in a month!)
microsoft trying to get in on the act (probably the weakest of the four)
the grand-daddy of them all! (the install is painless, and fast)

///neal edit///: out of this world (make sure you zoom all the way in!)

crap. anybody want to spend the day with insurance adjusters tomorrow? no? me neither. watch this space for pictures.

-v

The latest quote, condensed and converted into Haiku.  Remember, personal changes occur, but the overall average stays the same...

When you change yourself

someone somewhere else just did

the same in reverse!

Neal, I'm glad to see your latest quote.  You did great work on it.  It was nice of you to acknowledge the formula, but not necessary.

click here to learn more

Interesting quotes, Neal.  You continue to find quotes that I have never heard before.  They are quotes that I never thought could exist.  Based on your quotes of late, I have developed The Formula for timeless quotes.  It is a three step formula for which I have only discovered two steps so far.  Interestingly, they are the first and last steps, respectively.  They read as follows:

1.  Syntax is your best friend - beat it savagely.

2.  ?

3.  Everyone is insane, but they can't find a way to express their insanity in terms of normality.  Make sure that your topic is within a stone's throw of love, sadness, remorse, or frustration - the earmarks of the Everyman Psyche. 

The second step in The Formula eludes me, but I think that it has to do with brevity.  The whole formula can be expressed mathematically, but it is too boring for this setting.  Anyway, the way this formula works is that you plug in two words, plus the word everyone (or a synonym) and you see what comes out.  For example:

Tigers + Envy + Everyone = If a man were a tiger, the leopard's spots he would envy.  If a leopard he was, he would envy the tiger's hue.

Pretty good, eh?  I'm sure you will all recognize this theme from the quote "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."  Obviously, someone with a complete working formula has beaten me to this particular quote, but you see the promise of my formula, yes?

Hi everyone.  I like all of you!  Okay bye!

The photographs are here!  Sadly, they are huge and I don't know how to shrink them.  On my computer, I literally cannot see more than half of the image when I pull it up, but Neal will have to fix it for us all.  Enjoy what you can see, and try to imagine what you cannot....

***///ADMIN EDIT:neal was here///***

In what has become an epic struggle against ethics, I have suddenly gained an unexpected advantage.  Last night, I had some people over to the house.  As is the case with any group of 6 or more people, one of them was a computer wizard.  Always on the lookout for personal interests, I asked him to take a look at "my" wireless connection.  Sure enough, it took about 20 seconds for him to set my internet a-blazin'.  That's right, The Pirateship Jeff-rrrrrrr-ey sails again!  Fresh photos of the house are sure to follow.  I should have them up tonight.

Did the headline work?  Puns are so exciting!

"The english language confuses us, but correctly used it amuses us."

          -  Bea Arthur, during her brief marriage to Theodor Geisel.

Neal,  I thought that my flurry of recent comments excused me from posting "new threads."  I am still very interested in this cats and bombs discussion.  Since we are still basically on the same subject, there is no need to post a "new thread."  Yes, politics seems to be a far cry from cats and killing, but let's examine the videotape more closely...I believe it was Bea Arthur-Geisel who said "politicians are just a bunch of murdering pu**ies!"  Forgive my language (though it is Bea Arthur who must be blamed for it).  Clearly, these topics are more closely related than one might guess.  If I do come up with an unrelated subject or an original thought, I will post it.  For the moment, however, I am so absorbed in the discussion that I have shut down creatively.  You understand.  It's not much different than the sleep patterns of college students during finals week.  They are so absorbed in the tests and the studying that they do not sleep as often as they used to.  Do they miss sleep?  Absolutely!  Do they ever sleep again?  Of course!  Do they belabor points?  No, that's Jeff's responsibility!

Rest assured, Neal, the drought will not last forever.  Now, where were we......

okay. so that didn't exactly work. try this instead:

1) got to: www.portlandmercury.com

2)click on the special section link

3)click on the bar guide for the serious drinker link...scroll down for fun...

anyhow...this time it'll work...BUT HURRY...ONLY HERE FOR A LIMITED TIME!