oh green world, don't look now, but the sheriff is back in town. some of you may be wondering where i have been...fair enough. i'll tell you. i've been wedged deep in techno-purgatory. so actually i've been in town for some time. however, staying with a friend in north portland has taught me much about the world. namely that it is my computer that prevents me from posting...not pivot. so here it is: sorry pivot, for all the hate mail and even more so for spreading those horrible rumors about you and your affiliation to hugo chavez...i am presently transfering said misgivings to my computer's moral account. apologies.

don't let my apparent techno-freedom fool you though...as long as i'm in NoPo, my PhoCo is NoGo...damn the illusion of freedom. damn it to the moon.

...A couple of great Hedberg tracks in honor of the late comedic genius

(Neal, please work your magic and make the following files available for download/streaming, they're in .wma format)

first second

//admin edit:// done and done (some mature language present in media clips)

be on the lookout for a big change in the way things look.  stay posted for details.

Neal,

The quotes lately have been fantastic.  Really top-drawer type of stuff.  I noticed that you have written the name "Mitch Hedberg" after all of them.  Can we assume that he said all of these things?  Who is he?  I'm too lazy to look him up on the internet, but too curious not to want someone else to do it for me.

Jeff

Briefly, cojePAC wishes to apologize for any discomfort that it may have caused during our recent upheaval.  Here at cojePAC, we see ourselves as medicine; an olive-colored salve that heals wounds, but is not afraid to leave scars.  We sting when applied, but we prevent deep-rooted infection.  Yes, we are a bit greasy.  Yes, we should not be ingested by children.    But we are the only thing between our host and an amputated leg, arm, or other appendage.  That's why we symbolically cut off the hands of our enemies.  It stands for something.  We stand for something.  Neal and Hollye, you are forgiven.  We know that you are probably twice as sorry as we are (based on your share of the blame), but you no longer need to be.  We forgive you.  Rest assured that as we usher in a new era of Neal/Hollye figurehead government, we will be waiting in the wings, watching out for the downtrodden.  Running the show.  It is a thankless job, but our reward is that there is a safe place on the internet where bright young minds can recreate.  Yeah, it probably sounds corny to all of you folks reading this out there, but it is our life's work.  And we're dang proud of it.  Thanks for listening, Idocilis.

Death to Wendy's.

After careful consideration of Neal's proposal, cojePAC has decided to accept the cease fire.  In order to maintain our strong position, our acceptance is conditional.  Below is a list of the conditions and alterations by which Neal's proposal can be accepted by cojePAC.

1.  Neal must join cojePAC in its unconditional boycot of Wendy's restaurants until Wendy's returns to its original 99 cent menu.

2.  For a while at least, Neal should start off all of his posts by praising Corey and Jeff, regardless what he is about to say.  For example...

          "Corey and Jeff, you are boundless in your wisdom and beauty.  All men grovel at your feet as they bask in your generosity and power.  However, I disagree with your assertion that monkeys should be tried as adults on the grounds that...."  You get the idea.

3.  All Indocilites are allowed to make comments about Neal's odor as often and as witlessly as they wish.

4.  Neal will occasionally post about the evils of Florida Sports Teams and their correlation to the diminished role of morality, toughness, sportsmanship, and teamwork in sports.

5.  Neal promises to vote as instructed by cojePAC in the next presidential election.

6.  Neal and Hollye deny all knowledge of Babar the Elephant or any merchandise bearing his image.

7.  Hollye admits that being on "The List" terrified her and made her wish (albeit secretly) that Neal would surrender.

That's it.  Do you accept, Neal and Hollye?

for a true fan(try the random insult generator)
its too bad he's gone

1.  Neal

2.  Hollye

3.  Whoever raised the prices on the (formerly) "99 cent value menu" at Wendy's

4.  All Florida Sports Teams

Thank you Alex for your strong and manly correction of what was surely an innocent mistake.  Your power and goodness are legendary in this and many other parts of the world.  Your apology was sinewy and attractive.  Your sentence structure as strong as iron.  Thank you for supporting our peaceful campaign to torture and eventually eliminate Neal.  And others like him.

1.  Neal

2.  Hollye

3.  Alex

4.  All Florida Sports Teams

Casey,

Do you, by chance, have autism?  Your Reservoir Dogs comparison is uncanny...and I can't see how you were able to recognize that the wedding photo was so much like the movie poster...unless you have some of the autism.  Just for fun, how many toothpicks do you see in photo number 3 below?  What day of the week was July 9th, 1845?

1.  247

2.  Wednesday

here's some pictures from a wedding a little while ago...

The title of this post says it all.  I am here to give voice to the voiceless.  Alex has been marginalized by technology, but I think that I can effectively anticipate his next post.  He has so much to say and, recently at least, nowhere to say it.  Using my college-educated scientist's brain, I think that I can guess what he would have said if he had the ability.  Without further ado, posting as Alex, I present his long-awaited post: 

Hi guys, it's me.  I am stuck in Venezuela.  My donkey escaped from camp this morning.  Photos are forthcoming.  I have discovered what it is that I want to do with my life...I am going to operate a coffee plantation on the equator.  I've always wanted to be a white plantation owner, but was afraid of the social repercussions in America.  I guess that the job title stirs up racial tensions, or some nonsense.  Red Hat Coffee.  That's what I'll call it.  I think I can save on labor by teaching children how to do the work.  Okay, I have to go.  Hasta luego!

Excellent Alex!  And a pat on the back for myself.

NOT GUILTY!!!

Fittingly dubbed the trial of the century, The City of Corvallis v. Corey, in the case of the "tampered-with inflatable Darth Vader" concluded this morning. A courtroom packed friends, relatives, and news reporters sat anxiously as the lead juror rose to read the verdict. Two words have never sounded so sweet. Opting to forgo a lawyer and defend myself, the victory meant even more. In fact, I'm looking into changing my middle name to Cochran.

Rest assured Indocilites, justice has been done.